


Eight

by LoveNe



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AkuSai, Isa figures out his emotions, Lea/Isa - Freeform, M/M, Post-Canon, Short & Sweet, leaisa, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 19:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20233315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveNe/pseuds/LoveNe
Summary: Isa doesn’t know if he can say any of these things out loud, so he writes them down to make sense of them.





	Eight

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s that LeaIsa I promised loves. Have a great day

i. I find it both endearing and hilarious that you can never sit and watch any true crime show on TV without tearing up. It’s funny because you know that the shows involve someone dying, and yet you continue to watch them and put yourself through that pain. It’s also sweet because you care so much about these people you’ve never known. You hurt for them; you empathize with them. I’ll never stop being grateful that you trust me enough to be this vulnerable around me after everything I’ve done. I promise to never take this trust for granted.

ii. When we were younger, you used to hug me all the time. I was annoyed with the constant display of affection back then. I wanted to stay off everyone’s radar at school, and you hugging me all the time put a huge target on my back. I hated it. I hated the things those other kids would say about us. It embarrassed me. Eleven years later, we’ve been terrible to each other. You don’t get too close to me in front of others anymore. You don’t hug me...at all. It hurts, and I can’t explain  _ why  _ it hurts. I don’t understand. Are you still upset with me about how I acted when we were kids? Or is it that you think I’m upset with you? I’m not.

iii. You have some serious issues. I try to keep my mouth shut about them because we’re still getting used to one another again but my  _ god  _ you need to be stopped. Yes, you  _ do  _ have to wash your hands after you use the bathroom, Lea, even if you didn’t poop. That’s unsanitary. Yes, you have to wash them before you cook any food, even if you didn’t touch anything. You cannot scratch your head and then touch food, what is wrong with you? Drinking an elixir is not the equivalent of taking a shower. I am so sick of you. And speaking of  _ sick, _ hot sauce is not medicine! You can’t just drink hot sauce and expect your respiratory infection to go away. You need medical attention. Potions don’t count so don’t even try it. I think you’re addicted to those things and I’m not buying you anymore.

iv. It’s...no secret that I was jealous of your relationship with Roxas and Xion when they arrived at the Organization. They seemed to make you really happy; you looked happier with them than you ever did with me. I felt abandoned. That’s not entirely your fault. All I ever talked about was  _ her  _ and Xemnas _ ,  _ and you were bound to get bored of me eventually. I was a bad friend to you too. I got upset when you wanted to do other things. At the time it felt like you really didn’t care to find  _ her _ , so I decided to do it on my own. Then I saw you getting cozy with the kids and...I said terrible things to the three of you. I mistreated them to hurt you. I lost sight of what I originally wanted to do. And after all that, you still looked me in my eye and said  _ I forgive you. _ I’m thankful, but I truly do not deserve to have your forgiveness this easily. I must earn it. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I will be a better friend.

v. Do you remember that one song? I don’t remember the name, and I can barely remember any of the lyrics. I only remember you screaming “the way I danced with you” at the top of your lungs. You were so off key, but you were happy to sing it. That’s a memory that I will never forget. I’d like to know the name of that song. If I can ever find it, I’ll play it for you. I hope you remember the lyrics. I wouldn’t mind hearing you scream it at me again.

vi. Sometimes I feel like none of this is real. I feel like any moment now, I’ll wake up and be under Xemnas’ control again. Maybe I was knocked unconscious during battle and this is a dream. Maybe I’m close to death and everything I’m experiencing is me creating the life I wish I’d had with you before I take my last breath. I don’t know...but if I do wake up and everything is back to the way it was, fight for me. I don’t want to be like that again. Don’t let me slip back into the darkness.

vii. I don’t know what I’m doing, Lea. I don’t know how to be affectionate. I don’t know how to love you, or how you would even want to be loved. What does love feel like? I’ve been told not to trust the depictions I see in movies; I’ve been told that I’ll know when I feel it. I  _ don’t _ know. Sometimes I feel like I want to be alone and don’t want to see you for a few days. Sometimes I want to see you everyday. Sometimes I want you to go home early because you’re annoying, and sometimes when you’re getting ready to leave, I want to ask you to stay until morning. I thought love was when you care about someone so much that their flaws don’t matter; everything that person does is supposed to be adorable; you never get sick of them; you’d give your life for theirs.  _ Would  _ I give my life for yours? Would you want that? I don’t know what love is, but you’re someone I would want to learn with.

viii. Lea, I’m sorry. Maybe it’s too soon for me to be using words like love. I still need to figure out how I feel about you. I need to take my time and figure out who  _ I  _ am and what my new purpose is. When the time is right, I will try to love you. For now, I like you a lot more than I do everyone else. That’s a comfortable place to start, I believe. 

I like you, Lea. I hope you like who I’m becoming.


End file.
